day 181: change of heart

subject: prayer.
why? several months ago I got into a minor car accident. I turned right while the other person did a u-turn in front of me. She wasn't u-turning when I looked right- and then I looked left and perhaps I lingered looking to the left too long as I scanned the three lanes of on-coming traffic to make sure I could turn right. In the next instant I t-boned her and hit her rear passenger door. We waited over an hour for the cops. She was fine. The damage to fix my car was more than to fix her car. But then came a letter her lawyer sent to my insurance for bodily injury damages. A significant number was demanded. WHAT?
At first I was shocked and in disbelief. I couldn't believe it. I felt terrible. I was mad. I was dumbfounded. I thought this person is truly out to get me. If only I had or hadn't done this or that. Why?, Why? Why?

When I was younger my dad taught me the better question to ask is "why not me?"

This summer I am going through a book with some dear women friends. It touches on some serious topics like contentment , anxiety, worry, etc... all issues that women tend to struggle with. As a result, I was growing a new perspective on my adversary.

Through this issue I started praying for good ol' CE who is demanding an extreme (I thought -since I maybe I was going 5 miles an hour) amount of money. And praying for truth. Praying for God to meet their needs. Praying for a miracle for me. Any time I thought of CE I prayed for her.  I prayed for healing, I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed to trust God and not worry over that which I have no control. I can't change the past, I have no idea of the future. I can only control my reaction, my response. I can be eaten alive with worry or I can live in peace knowing that the Blessed Controller of all things will be gloried through this situation.  However he see's fit.
CE could be truly hurt- gosh I hope not. She could really be down on her luck and need this money? Ok! Or she could be lying and greedy and every time I wanted to believe that- I just prayed for her.

The insurance has settled. Definitely a fraction of initial demands. But the before of this post is my heart, it has changed from thinking the worse and being angry and living in a knot to AFTER: being free and at peace with the results, to praying for the better, the truth, and giving it over and trusting God in all things.
It is so much easier to live this way.

If you were wondering about the the sub-title of my blog, showing up and letting God do the rest. I would say this is an example of what it means to show up and Let God!